What do you do when you're a 70+ year old man living in rural Prattville, Alabama, you have health problems, and you have more paint than you know what to do with? You proclaim the gospel, of course! And you do it by creating hundreds of crosses and dozens of signs painted on old appliances.

Here's the thing: we didn't really get half of this guy's stuff into this video. It just goes on and on and on! We actually saw one pole that had a bunch of crosses nailed to it, and then a dozen or so SIGNS THAT SAID THE WORD "CROSS"!!! That's right- he stopped making actual crosses, and instead painted the word "cross" onto a piece of wood, and nailed that up. You can imagine the looks on our faces when we realized that we had forgotten to get that on camera for y'all. (Note: we are officially using the word y'all, now)

Oh well, we can't bring you everything. What we can bring you is me (Dan) acting silly at a roadside pile of weirdness commonly known as "The Cross Garden":

A charming little hamlet on the Mississippi river, Vicksburg, Mississippi has been a thriving beacon of commerce for well over a century. One of the battlegrounds of the Civil Wa... er... the "War Between the States", Vicksburg is rich in history. Like everywhere else in the South, it is also rich in churches. This is one of them. Enjoy.

 

Video number 2 from our Homeric adventure. There's something special about a place where folks are so bored that they can't think of a better use of their time than to build something huge in an area NOBODY has any reason to visit.

Well... nobody except us.

Well kids, it's fo' real. We... are in Texas. The Thank God I'm Atheist road trip through the South has begun, and here's proof. Enjoy:

Ok, so... Remember our last post, where we went through and told you EXACTLY where we were going to be, and when? Well... we lied. Sorry- I mean we have since revised. Based on a number of factors including listener/reader comments, events we didn't want to miss and things we wanted to see, we now have a NEW AND IMPROVED itinerary!

BEHOLD!!!

That's right, upper-left corner! It IS in the Unites States!

This is where we're really going. Like, for sure. For total sure. 

Unless something else comes up.

And here's what the timing pretty much looks like:

Monday, May 13- Texas panhandle: Amarillo and Groom. Spend the night in Groom (I checked this place out on Google. Small town Texas. Wow.)

Tuesday, May 14- Lunch in Wichita Falls, TX on our way to Dallas. Spend the night in Dallas.

Wednesday, May 15- Lunch in Waco, on our way to Houston. Sleep in Houston.

Thursday, May 16- Stay in Houston (we get to not drive for a day!). FUN MEETUP at night at the Fox & Hound Pub (11470 Westheimer Road)- Houstonites, be there or be square!

Friday, May 17- Drive to Shreveport, Louisiana. Have some fun (TBA). Sleep.

Saturday, May 18- Head to Jackson, Mississippi. Sing "I'm going to Jackson" in the style of Johnny Cash the entire way.

Sunday, May 19- AM church in Jackson, lord help us (yep- that means a church review), then press on to Montgomery, Alabama. 

Monday, May 20- A long and rather circuitous route through 'Bama will eventually land us in Murfreesboro, TN.

Tuesday, May 21- We leave early, 'cause we gotta make it to Memphis before Graceland closes (though we'll pass through another town called Jackson, so we'll be singing Cash again before we start singing Elvis).

Wednesday, May 22- Wave at Little Rock (maybe have lunch there- any Little Rockers out there wanna join us?) on our way to Hot Springs, Arkansas. Why Hot Springs? Who knows.

Thursday, May 23- Drive through the beautiful (one supposes) Ouachita National Forest to Muskogee County, Oklahoma. Frank's old stomping grounds! I get to see where Frank practiced his trombone for marching band! I'm not making that up!

Friday, May 24- Frank Family stuff. You're not invited.

Saturday, May 25- Passion Play in Eureka Springs, Arkansas! EVERYBODY SHOULD COME TO THIS WITH US! Seriously, if you live anywhere even remotely close to Eureka Springs (and remember, compared to, say, Poland, most American locations are pretty close), you need to join us for this event! Then, we'll go find a place nearby that serves alcohol. Lot's of alcohol. So help me if Eureka Springs turns out to be in a "dry County", I'll know FOR SURE that there's no god.

Sunday, May 26- Party in Bonner Springs, Kansas! We'll send you a full report.

Monday, May 27- Stop in Topeka (home of those nice Westboro Baptists), do some stuff, have lunch, and then put the pedal to the metal, and get our asses home!

KABAM!

So that's it. That's where we'll be and a lot of what we'll be doing! If you want to be a part of it, hit us up! If you're in one of these fine towns, let us know, and we'll try to announce where we'll be, so y'all can join in the festivities. See you soon!

Frank and Dan are hitting the road starting May 13 through May 27, and we'd love to meet as many of you along the way as possible. Please let us know if you'd like to meet up. 

Mon, May 13 – en route to Dallas from Salt Lake

Tue, May 14 – DALLAS

Wed, May 15 – AUSTIN

Thu, May 16 – HOUSTON

Fri, May 17 – NEW ORLEANS

Sat, May 18 – MONTGOMERY

Sun, May 19 – ATLANTA

Mon, May 20 – MURFREESBORO, TN

Tue, May 21 – MEMPHIS

Wed, May 22 – CLARKSDALE, MS

Thu, May 23 – EUREKA SPRINGS, AR

Fri, May 24 & Sat, May 25 – MUSKOGEE COUNTY, OK

Sun, May 26 – TULSA

Mon, May 27 – TOPEKA

It is unlikely that these dates and stops will change, but please let us know if you think they should! 

Listen:

• Moon Quakers

Newsy Stuff:

• Pope resigns due to powerful Vatican gay lobby.
• That douche Mahony blogs again.
• California school district sued over yoga classes.
• Women arrested at Wailing Wall. Sarah Silverman's sister included.
• Twats announce what they're giving up for lent on Twitter.

Listen:

• Episode 66: Mahony vs. the World

Newsy stuff: 

• Is God the missing character on "Downton Abbey?"
• Scott Lively, 'Kil the Gays' bill supporter and evangelist, on trial for crimes against humanity.
• Cardinal Roger Mahony, pedophile protecting bishop, blogs about his 'humiliation' and 'forgiving' those who are angry with him. Douche.
• Ohio middle school refuses to take down Jesus picture.
• US House of Representatives extends disaster relief to religious organizations.
• Transexual episcopal chaplain at BU.

Well, y'all, we're doing it! This Spring, Frank and I will be touring this fair Country of ours. Well, we'll be touring part of the Country. The batshit crazy part.

That's right... cue up the banjos, 'cause TGIA is going to the South!

Mmmm, so Bible-y!

Here's the thing: we don't know what to see! We've both been to the South a bit, but neither of us is overly familiar with the area as a whole (Frank used to live in Oklahoma, of course, but that's a small part of a very big zone). So we need your help!

What we're looking for is the kinda stuff we talk about on the show. Creationist museums, nutty Christian revivals, besieged Mosques, world's largest crucifix.... Anything odd, surreal, or otherwise of interest. Or really good roller coasters. You know... whatever.

Also... YOU! We wanna meet you, our faithful (ha!) listeners! So, with that said:

• Live in the South? Convince us that your city/town/area is worth making the stop. What's happening out in your neck of the woods that makes your hometown awesome/terrifying/hilarious?
• Been to the South? Tell us about your not-to-be-missed experiences.
• Read about something cool? Pass it along!
• Know nothing about the South? Keep your filthy trap shut!

Listen:

• "Big Gay" #64

Newsy Stuff:

• Vatican admits it doesn't fully understand youth culture.
• Marriott Hotels (owned by prominent Mormon family) helps fight DOMA. 
• Douche bag dog owner sends 'gay' dog to be euthanized. 
• Texas "schools" teach Bible courses.
• John Walk Lindh wins right to group prayer in federal prison.
• Jesus in Japan.

Listen:

• "No Church Pants For Me" #63

Newsy Stuff: 

• Mormon young women's leader says, "no need to lobby for rights."
• Austrian Turks see racism in Lego's Jabba's Palace.
• Unlicensed counselor in ultraorthodox community sentenced to 103 years for sexually abusing teen patient. 
• Ten most "Bible-minded" cities and the ten least "Bible-minded" cities.
• With a lot of money on the line in a wrongful death lawsuit, Catholic hospital claims, "fetuses not people."
• French court says Twitter must identify racist twatts. 

• Sutherland Institute does their annual complainy thing about the Sundance Film Festival. 
• Watch the CNN report on the British Airways flight attendant who just won the right to wear her crucifix at work.
• Gay Mormons finally have a way to meet each other online. 
• Fascinating article about Scientology self-destructing.
• Somehow we failed to mention that the Connecticut priest who was selling meth also is a cross-dresser and was allegedly having sex in the rectory (and no, that's not a euphemism).
• Even though they think abortion is wrong, way fewer religious folk than you would think actually want to see Roe v. Wade overturned. 

Ok, folks. Here it is: the endowment ceremonies of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am not responsible for making this video, mind you, I'm only making you aware of it. And I gotta say, I hesitated to do that.

As we discuss in podcast episode #59, this video represents the laying bare of something that is held so sacred by the Mormons that even I, who never went through the temple, feel like I'm violating something by presenting it here. I've honestly had to wrestle with some fairly deep questions of conscience about it.

"But why, Dan? You don't believe in the Mormon church anymore. Why do you care about what other people think is sacred?"

Well, fictitious questioner, one reason is I know A LOT of Mormons and I have no desire for them to feel hurt or betrayed by me. It's tough because religious people in general, and ESPECIALLY Mormons, feel attacked soooooo easily. Anything you say that questions any aspect of their religion is instantly perceived as an attack. Even stating your own non-belief is thought to be an attack. So, as someone who has a blog and podcast dedicated to looking at the world through the lens of atheism, I'm bound to piss some folks off. That is not my intention.

What is my intention is to take a real, open and honest look at the world and ask the questions that come up. And this video brings up A LOT of questions. For those of you who were never Mormon yourselves, I'm guessing this will positively baffle you. And make you cringe. And possibly wish you could un-see it.

Oddly, it may be even freakier for those of us who were Mormon. To have known so many good, intelligent people who submitted to this weirdness and accepted it as something that would bring them closer to a god for me brings up a cognitive dissonance as powerful as what first-time temple-goers must feel. You have to understand: newbies to the temple go into this ceremony completely unprepared for what they're about to see and do. Nobody explains any of what's about to happen to them. Usually all they know is that what they're about to experience is sacred, and they'll walk out in new underwear that they'll then have to wear for the rest of their lives.

My mind reels thinking about it.

So, rather than droning on more, I'm just going to present the video and let y'all have at it. I'm really interested to hear your reactions. Is it weirder than you expected? More boring? Both? What stands out to you?