See? Christians Aren’t The Only Douchebags…

Today I drove past the tree in my fair city where somebody saw the image of the virgin Mary.  Well, actually they saw one of the most commonly occuring patterns in nature, but it looked kind of like Mary to somebody.  I actually went to see it when it was first reported.  It was dumb. It has since changed quite a bit, but originally, it looked kind of like this:

Lazy artist’s rendering

Which I assume is meant to look like this:

 Non-lazy artist’s rendering

Well, it’s a stretch, but fair enough. Same basic shape, I guess. Then it started changing, though.  At first, the supposed neck area began oozing sap. Not quite the same as weeping, but interesting. I’m not sure, but the neck-ooze may have been the result of mild pocket-knife-style vandalism.  If so, it explains what happened next, which is that a hole started to grow where the sap was coming out. This made poor Maria look like she had suffered a mild case of shotgun-wound.

Later, some homeless guy tried to burn the thing down, and I’m sure there were other vandals.  The long and the short of it, though, is that it now looks like this:

 Old college game: spot the virgin

Clearly, this looks even less like any discernable holy icon. Don’t worry, though: the utter lack of any kind of resemblance to anything remotely like the blessed lady hasn’t stopped the faithful from seeing her.  I stole this comparison from somewhere on the web:

 Madonna with child or Skeletor? You make the call.

Uh…. O…K…

Whatever.  If they want to feel like something special is there, that’s fine with me. It’s no crazier than 90% of the other shit they believe.  But just so you don’t think that this nonsense is strictly a dopey christian phenomenon, here’s a fun video.  You can ignore the first two and a half minutes, as it’s just boring footage of a lion yawning and licking himself. At the end, though, he very clearly roars the word “rrraaaaaghhhhhle” and then “mrrrooooooorrrrrggggh” and then goes into what sounds like a sneezing fit.  But somewhere in there, he theorectically spits out “Allah”.  Enjoy:


8 thoughts on “See? Christians Aren’t The Only Douchebags…

  1. My wife (Miss Rachel) told me that you put on your best blog-face…I love you and I’ll pray for you! Actually there are believers out here who don’t mind your heathen views, they help me keep things in perspective. I’ll check in every now and again to see how long it takes before you’re struck down by lighting. Don’t worry, when you are i’ll make sure you’re baptized shortly thereafter. We’re like family, right?

    waiting for more posts!

    much love.

  2. Thanks for the prayers, Jake, but I’d rather you used that time to do a little extra at work. Then, at the end of every fiscal year, pay me the money you earned! (I assume you intend to pray for me for at least an hour a week, right?)

  3. (Jake is a douchebag christian)

    I hate you people who look down their noses at us. How do you know that you’re right about this ‘god’ you speak of? How do we Atheists know ‘god’ doesn’t exist? Of course, neither of us REALLY knows for sure, all we can do, is have our own beliefs, so quit trying to be a fucktard and say stupid shit like “I hope you get struck by lightning so I can baptize you”. That would be like me saying, “I hope you get shot by a drug dealer so I can say ‘HA I TOLD YOU THERE WAS NO GOD'”. In reality, neither situations are correct, and both belief systems are 100% valid. Why should the ghosts that YOU believe in, haunt and dictate every moment of OUR lives? Fuck you, you fuckin christian douchebag piece of shit.

  4. Uh… Don? While you make some good points, you might want to re-read Jake’s post. He wasn’t saying “I hope you get struck by lightning so I can baptize you,” he was saying “I’m a christian, but I still think you’re funny.” He was employing a little tongue-in-cheek.

    Take it down a notch, Donny-boy… we’re all friends here!

  5. Don, on the other hand, while you make some good points (despite it being bogged down by the completely unnecessary profanity).

    You’re wrong about both points being 100% valid, though. Neither is valid – be you Christian, Atheist or whatever religion (or lack thereof) you decide to surround your life with, you’re neither 100% valid nor 100% invalid. Mostly because validation would have to mean that enough people actually care about what you are for it to mean something.

    Frankly, there aren’t enough out there that care that you’re breathing enough for YOU to matter, let alone anyone else. But you do matter to some percentage because at least family or friends care about your well-being and perhaps the resting place of your soul (though even then, you’ll find that little to none care about your religion nor what will happen to occur to you or your soul (or again, lack thereof) after you die, whether you become an everlasting ‘angel’ or are merely decomposition in the ground).

    I agree with Dan though – no one gives a crap what you believe or don’t believe in. You give a person a fair amount of personal respect merely for the fact that they’re human, alive and living, and they’re generally happy. That’s the middle ground – those that mind their business and keep their business theirs. But it all boils down to keeping what’s yours yours – including one’s beliefs.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *