Not-So-Intelligent Design

I recently found out that my girlfriend's father does not believe in evolution! This despite the fact that he has no religious need to fight it, as his church has never come out on one side or the other where evolution is concerned. Using his asinine position as inspiration, I've decided to pose some questions for anybody who believes that the human body didn't evolve, but was instead "designed" by a god:

  • Why can we choke?  What designer would think it was a good idea to bring the food in through the same entry point as the air?  It would be so easy to make the eat hole completely separate from the breathe hole… it's just stupid that they aren't closed systems. 
  • Two words: vestigial organs.
  • What is the point of human hair?  Alright, the stuff on our heads keep us somewhat warm (that is, until cruel nature takes it back from some of us- what's that about?), and eyebrows and eyelashes seem useful- but what about our body hair?  Patterns that make no sense, and that vary from ethnic group to ethnic group, and from person to person… where's the design purpose?  Aesthetics?  Believe me- other than as a carry-over from very distant ancestors, that is, a species that never needed clothes, there is absolutely no reason I should have a furry ass and a sparse field of individual hairs all over my back.
  • I am a man. I have nipples. Explain.
  • Why do women have periods? Surely if there were a designer, he would've been able to come up with a reproductive system that didn't involve leaking blood for days on end every month. That's just stupid. And THEN the bastard has the nerve to declare it "unclean," and tell men not to touch women when they're on the rag, and that the women should have to go away until it's over, and when it's finally finished they should sacrifice a turtle or a pigeon or something to apologize to god for being so icky (that's all somewhere in Leviticus). That's fucked up, y'all.
  • What the hell is up with wisdom teeth? We have teeth come in that don't actually fit in most of our mouths? Isn't that kind of messed up?
  • Hiccups- is that just a joke on us, or what?
  • As we are meant to be designed "in God's image", and the god in whose image we are designed is meant to be a perfect being, why are we so woefully lacking?  We're bi-peds, so we're slow as hell.  We can't fly.  We can't breathe under water (which covers 60% of our planet's surface).  Our young are worthless for years after birth (a baby horse or giraffe walks on day 1!).  If we hadn't evolved these big brains our species would've been hunted to extinction many millennia ago.  This pathetically weak, defenseless body is what a perfect god designs as his pinnacle of creation? Riiiiiight.

What did I miss? If you feel like it, add some questions (or offer some possible answers) in the comments.

3 thoughts on “Not-So-Intelligent Design

  1. I have a few that Sky-Father should have reconsidered:

    Lack of telepathy

    Prehensile tail (doesn’t everyone want one?)

    Equine genitalia (again, doesn’t everyone want these?)

  2. People who don’t believe in evolution shouldn’t be allowed to get flu shots. If there’s no evolution, the virus wouldn’t change, right?

    And on that note of intelligent design: Viruses. WTF?

  3. Holy HELL you’re ignorant. Sorry, but to ask so many questions that can mostly be answered by taking an introductory anatomy class, and insist that there are no satisfactory answers? Dude, go to college. They’ll even tell you why you have hair on your ass.

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